Hey there everyone I hope you are all having a great day and staying healthy and safe! I know that this holiday season is not going how we planned for it to go but there is still so much to be grateful for and to help you stay positive and get out of your funk. The sun is still shining daily and the world hasn't ended. More and more I see what the world is becoming and more and more it makes me sad to see that even now some people still have not been able to separate themselves from what is going on around them. I know at times the hard stuff can feel like you are drowning beneath them and it is hard to get a grip on what is happening in your life. I just have to say that even though I have seen that so much lately I have also seen such kindness and beauty and love and support in the world and that will always out weigh the bad in my eyes. I ask you all to be kind to one another because I can tell you from my own experience I know how it feels to have your entire life drastically changed and have the most precsious things ripped from your heart. That brings me to the thought behind today's post and that is that I am 1 in 4 women who loses their baby in pregnancy/infant loss.
Sadly this is a very common occurrence and many women and men end up feeling like they are alone because it is not spoken about. Like female healthy many of us have been taught that it is not something to talk about and we should keep that to ourselves. I mean I have met so many older women who say well we never talked about me getting my period I kind of just found out on my own. Myself included in that my mother never talked to me about when I was going to start my period and how it was going to feel or what it was going to be like. I ended up finding out when the day came and I was alone and scared and so confused. I have found that at least in what I have come across infertility is much the same. It is a subject that is not spoken about to women because we have been taught that since we carry the child then whatever happens is our fault and that just not true. Its no ones fault and sometimes things happen that are out of our control and we are not able to stop. I learned that first hand and no one was there to prepare me for all the heartbreak and pain that I was going to expirenece. I had always thought oh nothing will happen to me because...(can you guess what I'm going to say next?) no one in my family had ever said anything about them having miscarriages or losing kids before they were born or the fact that labor was so painful and it was pain in a number of ways not just physically but emotionally as well. No one ever told me that when you get pregnant it wasn't going to be just your belly is growing but your whole body was going to change and there could be complications because of your female health history. No one ever told me that I wouldn't be the only one suffering that my husband would suffer too. No one ever told me that it wasn't my fault till the day that it did happen to me and then all the stories came out and all the pain and struggle and suffering was laid on the table for me to see by the people that I love most.
Even so, with all that out in the open I still felt lonely and so did my husband and it has taken so much time and work and struggle for us to finally get to a point where we are able to even consider putting ourselves through the idea of having another child, I feel like it should be something that we should be able to talk about and if I can put this out there and help someone else with their situation then that is enough for me. I love my body but it took a long time for me to forgive my body for what I thought was a failure and I was very unkind to myself that I really had to claw my way out of that dark and cold place where I hid my fears and anger and hatred and self-loathing and the thoughts of if I end it now things will be better for everyone. No one was there to tell me that being sad was okay and that I was going through grief for the loss of my child until I started therapy and just had someone to listen to me. I am here though and my message to you woman or man if you are going through this I am so sorry for your loss and it is okay to mad and sad and want to be numb. It is okay to be not have motivation to want to do anything and just lay in bed for a few days and just cry it all out alone. You are amazing and strong and you are not alone trust me on that. If I know one thing its that when you go through something as horrific as I did when I lost my son at 17 weeks and come out on the other side stronger then you can face pretty much anything that life throws at you and you will be victorious.
You should remember that you need to be gentle with yourself and it is going to take time to heal from all the pain and trauma that you have just been through and that goes for everything in life that leaves you feeling defeated and lonely. I promise you that when you are ready the sun will come out again and the birds will sing again and you will be stronger then before because you may be bruised and scarred you are never defeated completely because you are still here. I have gone through many things in my life and each time I have come out stronger and it has made me the woman that I am today who is ready to face the world come what may. Who is also able to face the world now with an open heart even in the face of the fear. I have learned through out all of this entire life that I was given that it was hard not to give up hope that tomorrow would be better and it was easier to let the darkness consume all of who you are. I heard somewhere I think from a movie (because I love movies and tv) sometimes the easiest road isn't always the right road sometimes the harder road is the right choice. That to me rings true to my soul and I have clung on to that for dear life it seems many time in my life and to be honest all I can say is I never gave up an I never will.
If I am able to help even one person then to me that is what matters and I can say that I am happy to be a support for those who don't have it with this blog and hope that you all are able to sleep a little easier knowing that you are not alone. There are so many women and men who struggle with the loss of a child on a daily basis and if you don't know someones story then just be kind and just be an ear for them or a shoulder for them and if you don't know what to say just say, "I'm so sorry and you are loved and I am here for you" it really means more then anything else you could think of to say. That simple phrase will get your message across and then just stay quiet and let them take their time give them a break because everyone grieves and struggles in their own way now of course if you think they are not safe then say something but if they are just give them time and space. Those things do not heal all wounds but they do let the wound close and the scar form. Even though the scar will always be there it will fade and eventually one day you will be able to open the curtains and remember that feeling of having the sun's warmth on your face and how much you loved hearing the bird sing in the morning or how the sound of rain always made you feel warm and cozy and kept you in a great place. I will also say that you are amazing and wonderful and just be kind to each other and yourself.
Be kind because you never know what someone is going through silently. I hope that this post if you are reading it makes you feel better knowing you are not alone and I want you to remember that you are amazing and this too will give way one day for the sun to come back. Thank you for coming to spend some time with me with this post! You are loved! Till next time!