Updated: Oct 16, 2020
Hey there everyone hope you are all having a great day and week so far! I am having a great week inspire of my temporary emotions at times. I have been a bit all over the place because I have been struggling with my anxiety and depression. Sometimes it just hits me hard and like everyone else some days are harder then others but I have made some moves to talk to a professional when I feel like this and really just get to really talk to someone when I don't feel that great! I am human and I am not always all rainbows and unicorns or anything I do have my days.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about what this month means to me and so many others! October is Pregnancy & Child Loss Awareness Month and this really hits close to home for me and my husband. If you have been following along with me for a while then you know that we lost our son going on three years now at 17 weeks during pregnancy due to SCH and uterine fibroids. It really was a devastating loss for us and we were both shattered into so many pieces after losing our first child. We have now been trying for almost five years and it has been a hard and dark road as you know, but we have seen the light come back into our lives little by little and now we see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and we will be parents one day to an amazing child. This will happen for us whether it is through pregnancy or adoption it will happen for us. This is really hard to write even after almost 3 years but I feel like that is to be expected because I don't think that scar will ever truly heal in my heart it will just close and fade but it will always be there.
Trust me I miss my little boy so much and always dream of holding him again one day! He will always have his place in my life and be one of my most epic love stories. I know that my sweet husband and partner in crime feels the same way. To go through that kind of pain is just so hard for me to describe I mean I am in tears as I write this but I hope that this helps others know they are not alone and I know their pain. Even so, that is why I am writing this post because I want to let other people who have felt this incredibly tremendous pain that they are not alone. Whether you are a mom or a dad losing your little one hurts so much and it takes all that you have to just go on each day. Trust me I know how that feels and it is so hard to do it alone. I was lucky that my husband and I came out stronger in the end and we are still going strong and learning to live life happily again.
Now just because I understand doesn't mean that everyone will understand and it doesn't mean that everyone will care about what you are going through. Not everyone in your life is going to care or what to understand or even try to understand your loss and that is okay because in the end it is a choice for them and they don't have to worry about your feelings. They all have their own lives to think of and that is why I think that this is where people that have gone through that come in as a support group for you. I truly believe that people that can relate to you will be the biggest help for you to go on one day at a time. That is why I want to create a safe space for people to be able to talk to each other, man or woman or what ever you identify with, about losing you child. What comes next and what kind of light can and will you have at the end of the tunnel or road or whatever you would like to call it.
I want this to be the place where you are able to find some like minded people and really help be that extra support that people need to have in their darkest and hardest hours. I also want to remember that there is hope and that even if they are not here those little angles are still waiting for us to see them again one day. There is so many cases of this and most people feel like they have to stay quiet or they can't talk to anyone about it but that is not the case at all it is more common then people think and it is nothing what so ever to be ashamed of ever! You should not ever be ashamed of this or feel like you are to blame when you were doing everything right. You didn't do anything wrong and these things happen unfortunately and some times it can't be explained like in my case I didn't get an explanation until almost a year later and it was so hard not knowing what I did or why it happened and to be honest when it happened it didn't make things better it made me feel worse because I felt like my body just let me down. I was in really rough shape but I had a partner that never gave up on me and that really just kept pushing to keep me moving.
If you don't have that then please reach out and I can introduce you to others who are going through the same things all over the world. It is more common then you think and it is hard to digest and you are not alone and didn't do anything wrong. You are loved and supported and you are amazing. I hope that if you needed to read this and it made you feel better than you reach out and tell me your amazing story and know that I think you are one of the strongest warriors that I know. You are amazing and strong and you are worthy of the life you want and if you leave some room for hope then I am sure you will get there. Thanks for coming by to read this latest post. The photo was also found on Pinterest by unknown, and if you know the artist then please send me their name and as I would love to thank them for this amazing work of art! Till next time!